Husband isn't supportive .

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My appointment is set for November. If I can scrape the money together by then. My husband is not being supportive at all. Telling me I shouldn't and whatever... I'm in pain EVERY day and know this is what is best for me. I am having a hard time emotionally and really need his support. Any way to get him to accept this is going to happen with or without his help? Thanks.
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retha

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Posted 1 year ago

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1Spicy!

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If he didn't pay for you to have healthy teeth in the first place, in that teeth are meant to last a life-time, then he doesn't get a say in the matter.  You don't need his support but you do need him not to demean or belittle you in your upcoming events, you need your support though.  I don't have a spouse to accept or deny any of my choices or needs, so I don't really know how to help you get support from an unsupported spouse.  If I did have a spouse that was unsupportive, I would change my address.  Good luck with this one!
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Theresa Benoit-derry

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Oh Retha, I hope that's not the case. I don't know how old you are, but we are all getting older, and these things happen. We need dental work. But, I've seen young people on this site, in their 20's that needed them. Some because of health issues. Some because of an accident. I feel as though my husband is ashamed of me at times. I'm sure he is. However, there are some issues I could take up with him. However, bottom line is...I don't want to feel ashamed of me, and I do, but getting my teeth done at least took that shame away. Are dentures the only way to go? I could not afford permanments either. It's been 2 years and then some, and I still have the immediates . I was quoted by a few dentists, close to 20,000 for my teeth. They were bad. But no way could afford that. I got done for 7,000 and am still paying for them. Had to put on a credit card. That does get my conscience, but, I needed it done. I feel better. In the teeth department. Just don't you be ashamed of you. It's ok to take care of ourselves. I put my teeth off for years as well. Now it's behind me and like I said, I'm glad I can smile and not feel ashamed. I hope this all works out for you. I really do.
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Amber

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I am only 30 with a full set of dentures. I really hope that isnt the case. It happens and if we had a choice id love to have perfectly natural teeth vs dentures. But unfortunately this is where I am and nothing can be done but to move forward.

I have no dental insurance and paid $5000 for 17 extractions and my immediate dentures which are also my permanents which will be hard relined if needed after a year.
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retha

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I'm 47, 48 in Feb. He turns 51 in December.
I've never had good teeth and had cavities from almost day one it seems. After my father had some dental work by Dr. Kill-patient as my dad named him. My father told my mother to never send us to that -------- you fill in the blank. Mom found us a dentist who was a wonderful person. OMG what a difference but the damage done by doc number one was done. Doc number two told my mother I had almost no enamel and by time I was thirty I would most likely be in dentures.
They went down hill about seven years ago. And it was one after the other. Now I have maybe 6teeth that seems might be savable for now and the others are either broken or so badly rotten away that they can't be saved. Two of with I'm afraid will break each time I eat anything at all.
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Amber

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Oh i understand every bit of the broken teeth. I could barely eat anything without fear of breaking and the pain. I really hope that after you're done you'll find the pain or really not much pain of healing is far better than dental tooth pain.

It's hard to accept the fact you have to get all your teeth pulled for dentures. I struggled with it for a while and its why I waited so long. I really wish i wouldn't have because I feel so much better now. And I can eat almost anything I want. Even chips. I missed chips so much.
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retha

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I miss eating the hard fruits and raw veggies most of all. Apples carrots and the like. I know it's going to be so much better for me.
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Amber

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I'm curious why he thinks you shouldn't? Clearly you're in pain from your natural teeth everyday. Sure its costly and it's a long process from start to finish but if you're in pain daily it's absolutely worth it.

Maybe if you can find something he can relate to, so he can better understand your situation. Has he ever had a toothache? A headache? Any other type of pain? Ask him if hed be willing to have that pain daily with no knowing of when that pain would let up or end.

I support you in your decision to do this. A lot of the wonderful people here have already been through the process and I believe this is a great support community. If nothing else you have everyone here. I was happy to have found this website before I got mine done.

I really hope your husband can start being supportive of your decision. After all he is your husband and he should want the best for you, your health and your confidence.
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retha

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Thank you. I don't know why and he won't tell me. He just says I don't know. . It will be what it will be. I guess we will find out in a month or so.
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Sheila

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I feel so bad for you, it is a difficult enough journey without being hindered by close family being unsupportive. Does he give his reasons for thinking this way - do you have other family members or close friends to help you through?

Rest assured this is a great group with people who will support you every step of the way. My journey took just over 18 months and in my belief, it was 100% worth it. Take care of yourself and let us all know how you are getting on.
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Kathy P

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Perhaps you could ask the dentist for a letter or a statement explaining why you need the treatment. No one goes to the dentist and asks for treatment willingly unless there is a real need.. You only do that when you are in pain and when your quality of life is being affected.  You could also ask your doctor for help. A good doctor will understand the importance of painfree teeth to your health. Perhaps he could write a letter for you to show him. I wish you luck. 
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Amber

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This sounds like a good idea. Sometiems some people need the "validation" from a professional standpoint. Really shouldnt have to but if it helps for him to support you better then it may be worth it.
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retha

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Thanks. Husband was with me. I go in literally in tears bc the pain was so bad. He know the dentist is saying what I've known for a long time. And now it's time and the husband just isn't accepting it.
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Theresa Benoit-derry

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Retha, I've been married for 39 years in November. My husband doesn't support me in much. Some things he just don't get. Maybe that's how some are, or maybe a "guy thing". I don't know. Mine however did want me to get my teeth done. My mouth was a mess. Broken and missing teeth. It's something that runs in the family and I also had chemo for 14 months. But, I can certainly sympathize with you. Because in any matter, small or large, we need support. And perhaps you are like me. If my husband doesn't give me support, I will second guess myself and assume I'm wrong. Either way, right or wrong, I have just not followed through on decisions that I must make for me, because of that lack of support . And it did take me awhile to even think about spending the money on my own teeth. But, I did get it done. And I made the decision, followed through and I had to do without some things because of cost. And they never did quite fit right. But, I will never get over the feeling I had when I knew that pain was behind me ( although the procedure itself is uncomfortable, but that passes) and how happy I was when I could smile in public. Best feeling EVER. You have to consider your health. I would never tell anyone what to do in their marriage, but, you can do this. Support or not. And you will feel better. Thats what we have to do sometimes. Especially regarding our health. Perhaps he doesn't support the cost? Or just doesn't think you need it? Either way, you do need it. Tell the dentist so that he/she understands, so perhaps they may lower cost , and afterward you need a couple days or so to recover and they should know you may be doing this alone. Never know,, maybe when it comes to crunch time, your hubby may come around. But, everyone on this site will support you, I bet. Take care. I really hope you get this done as soon as possible.
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retha

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Thank you. Things are always complicated here. But I thank you. I set November 9th so I have that weekend and Monday to get over the worst of the pain (I hope). And it's the earliest it would work out for me at work. We're going through some moveing around of work stuff. I hope I'm okay enough to have at least some of Thanksgiving dinner and then by Christmas I can be even more comfortable. There are a lot of birthdays and family gatherings between now and spring. One graduating college in December one graduating high School in the spring and birthdays every month in between the holidays.
I'm doing this come hell or high water bc it's what is best for me.
Just hard emotionally bc of the unknown and all that.
My best guess is I'll be posting a lot.
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Theresa Benoit-derry

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You go girl!!! Sounds like you have a plan. Every one is different, but on this site, I think you should most likely find someone that has a similar recovery time. I used popsicles..ice will be your friend. Just think how good it will be to have it behind you and how much you will enjoy your family time coming up. I'll admit, they told me to keep mine in as much as possible...and I couldn't. I took them out so I could eat. I understand "complicated" very well. Take care.
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Nancy Ironside

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Why not start fixing your teeth and ask your husband to

Help pay for it. How about buying a dental insurance plan?

You can fix one or two teeth at a time. I hate my denture, I only have top. After 2 years I still can’t eat with it. Consider fixing your teeth at any cost.
(Edited)
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retha

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I'd like to but at this point it'd be a waste my mouth is too far gone to save any. We have insurance through his work and in October I can get some through my job. It's one reason I'm shooting for November.
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Barbara G

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Hi retha
Be care full with using   the 2  insurances  \
Make it work for you so they pay everything they can pay

You might have to split the dental  work between 2 calander years
to  get   the most money paid by your two   insurances

Have some one help you with figuring it out  Maybe your dentists
book keeper can help
Call each insurance company.  
How much of this $3,000 can you get paid by the  companies???
You can also run it by us and see if we can help you
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retha

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Thank you. I will. I did mention to the billing person that I was (hopefully) going to be adding insurance through my job too and she was positive about that said it would help.
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Amber

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My experience has been very different though. I already had $10,000 into my teeth and work from previous years was starting to fail. My dentist told me I could fix my teeth with many crowns and bridges but evetually they would fail too. And in the end of it all I would have dentures.

My dentures fit perfectly and I dont have to wear adhesives. I have not even a fraction od the pain with sore spots as I did with broken and bad teeth. I have had them for 5 months and can eat anything I want to. I only take them out to clean them. Yes I sleep with them in too. You muscle through the pain and discomfort and force yourself to try eating and eventually it gets better.

I'm not saying my story is typical because it probably isn't. I just know with all the money I already had in my teeth and the pain I was in daily. Plus the embarrassment I had for my teeth dentures was well worth it.

Also our credit was not good enough to get care credit. Luckily my dentisf office offers in office financing.
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retha

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I qualified for his a thousand with credit care, which I used yesterday getting 3 pulled to which I actually had nightmares from. Bc I had to keep water in my mouth to keep the pain level down, every loratabs wasn't touching the pain. They couldn't safely put me out completely.
It takes forever to get me numb. Took close to an hour and four shots. Dr said he couldn't give me more bc it's over dose.
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Amber

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Oh my. I'm so sorry. I check my email multiple times a day so if you ever need support were all here. I pray you can make it through all this. I know the tooth pain well and it's a nightmare.
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retha

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Thank you. I have a plan for over time at work and how I'm going to save etc. So if I have to, I will get a credit card which I absolutely HATE but I have to take of me bc no one else will.
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Amber

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We had to do mine around tax time. It was the only time and way we had money, since I do not have any dental insurance. Its definitely an investment. But an investment into your health and well-being.
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Amber

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Also I'm not sure what they use to numb you up but i did conscious sedation and they used well over four shots for my mouth.
(Edited)
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Kathy P

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I'm so sorry that in the US there is the additional worry about financing dental work.  I am a Brit currently living in France. This year I have had ten extractions and complete permanent dentures.  In the UK, under the NHS, I would have had all that done for under £250 (around $325).  Here in France, I am in the French system so the state pays for some of the cost and the health insurance (for which we pay €340, around $400, a quarter for the two of us) pays for part of the balance.  My extractions (which I had as an outpatient in hospital) cost €400 (around $460) of which I got almost three-quarters refunded, and the dentures cost €1600 (around $1850) of which I was refunded €600. Although it would have been cheaper in the UK, I can't grumble about what it has cost me here in France because it's still exceptionally cheap compared to the US and I am really pleased with the results. Almost two weeks after I got my dentures (I didn't have immediates after the extractions;  my dentist doesn't do them, so I had to wait eight weeks before the dentures could be started) my top set fits and works perfectly and my bottom set is beginning to feel like it belongs to me. 

Having said all that, Retha, I saved up for my treatment because it wasn't too much money to find, but I would definitely have taken out a credit card if I had needed to. You are obviously a working girl,and your overall health and wellbeing, and that includes your teeth,  is essential to keep you working, so put yourself first and remind your husband that you are worth far more, to him and to yourself, working than not working through tooth pain. Your teeth aren't going to suddenly get better, so the sooner you get them taken care of, the better.  Take out a credit card, see if you can arrange an automatic monthly payment to it from your wages, and get those teeth sorted out. You are worth it.  Another thought, does your employer offer a loan that could be deducted from your wages, or could you arrange a payment scheme with the dentist?  Good luck to you.
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retha

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Thank you...... I KNEW I should have been born in Europe. Lol. I am holding off on the discussion with hubby for now. Giving him some time to Maine work through his issues.
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Theresa Benoit-derry

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You sound like me. Good idea. We all have issues. I pick my "battles" as well. All in due time. I hope it all goes well for you. When you get your new smile....I bet it melts some if his issues away. Enjoy your day.
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Barbara G

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HI  Kathy P

Yes the US is the only  civilized country without national Health Insurance
It is a pity 
Even when we get Medicare there is no Dental  coverage
 
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Kathy P

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It's such shame because dentistry is as important as any other health issue. I wonder how many people just suffer with the pain because they can't afford to get treatment. And that goes for any health matter if people can't afford the insurance or don't get Medicare.  In the UK we never had to worry about that and here in France it's relatively affordable.  At the end of the day, I will have had all my treatment  AND my dentures for around €1200 plus the €340 every three months for insurance (for two of us), so it's not bad. Dearer than the UK, of course, but easier to budget for.
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Barbara G

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HI  retha
I  guess Kathy  has figured on the cost on top of he trauma of losing all 
you teeth figures in to the distress

I think you should see how much of this   $3,000 bill can be taken care of by your  husband's work insurance dental coverage  and   how much your dental insurance will pay
 

Do you have a maximun that each insurance  will pay each calendar year??
The dentists  office manager should be of some help
You have October and November and  December of this year to bill
part of the cost??  Maybe you can maximize that in some way and then
get the balance of the work done in 2019 to max out  the rest of both of your 
insurances. 

It is complicated but if you do it very  carefully you might get the dental   
insurance  to cover more of the cost
Can you wait on the lower denture for 2019?
Can you get the top done this year and the bottom done next year??
Are things getting better for you?


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retha

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The three grand is after insurance. I will scrape that up and have the extractions and temps then get the permant teeth done next year sometime. I get paid once a week and I get an extra check in November. That will help to float me until I can get back to work. There is almost always overtime and I'm saving every bit of it so I don't have to have any help from him.
I asked him a little bit ago why. He says he just can't believe I'm in pain and they can be saved. I asked him to look at them.he said he wasn't a dentist and wouldn't know. Yes!!!! That's my point dear you're not a dentist!!!! SMH. I'm actually laughing at the absurdity of it all. I asked him if he broke his leg went to the hospital would he leave and go to another hospital just to get a second opinion? A broken leg is a broken leg and need to be fixed just like my teeth..... He actually said yeah he would go to more than one hospital. I just shut my mouth bc it is Sunday and I'd really hate to get ugly and have to repent for something I would have said. Lol
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Kathy P

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He says he thinks that the teeth can be saved. Does he not realise that that will cost money, anyway?  Intensive dental treatment, such as root canal work, crowns, and so on, is expensive and, in many cases, not guaranteed to work and may only delay the inevitable. It could mean spending even more in the long run than getting them all extracted and having dentures. I really think you need something in writing from the dentist to show to him. That would be my next step, for sure - get the opinion of an expert, and that clearly is not your husband.
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retha

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He was there when the dentist told him/me. I didn't say he was the brightest. Sorry that was mean for me to say that. Honestly I think he's worked what others will say and he's afraid he'll have to I don't know what maybe "deal" with whatever he is imagining he will have to deal with
I am feeling better about it all though
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Kathy P

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I am so pleased that you are feeling better about it all. You have had some great advice from the supportive people on this thread which just goes to show that it always helps to share a problem.  You must put yourself first now regardless of what your husband says. I am pretty sure that he wouldn't live with constant pain if there was a way of alleviating it. No one would. Good health is essential and your teeth are just as important as any other part of the body in maintaining that good health.  I see from your first post that you have an appointment with the dentist in November. As it's the 1st of October today, you can really start counting down the days as you get closer towards being painfree.