On 2-25-12 I was seated at the information desk of the hospital where I work. I am thinking about my sister who is in the grips of addiction and other things. She is a patient in another facility and I can’t visit her because by the time I get out of work, visiting hours are over. For the past few days and today I was thinking about how I need to bring her reading materials, especially the Bible as she requested. As God is present, someone drops off two bags of books. Clearly visible is a black and white cover entitled: ‘Bible Answers’ upright to the side and not piled on each other like the other books. This is too much more than a worldly coincidence, I thought! Now in this setting, books are routinely dropped off and eventually distributed to patients throughout the facility through the Volunteer Department, but I have never seen so much religious material practically brought to me! I went through the two bags and gathered what is relevant to what I would read and eventually bring to my sister.
Before today, I have never heard of ’Spirit Lead Woman.’
Before coming here today I have had on my mind how I have a supernatural hatred for the person who has ruined generations of lives due to I still am not sure what that was and is. I have always strongly suspected mental illness and I don’t know what diagnosis. While everything was going on the rest of the “family” members would look the other way. Although we are not supposed to question, I can’t help but think how could someone of that caliber be given such power time after time? The mind gathers and disseminates facts. I can’t help it. I have always stayed away because it is therapeutic for me and it works.
I open an old issue of ‘Spirit Led Woman’ the Feb/Mar 2004 issue and notice the article entitled, “Don’t Play the Blame Game because it is relevant to me and I see, ‘But in order to get free, I had to learn to walk in supernatural forgiveness.’ Earlier I was thinking about supernatural hatred, a term I have never formed in my mind before today. I formed it a few hours before coming in and seeing this article!
It is 6:40 p.m. as I am writing these notes and I am in full view at the front desk of the facility I work in trying to keep from choking up because this is truly a supernatural experience in God’s Realm. Just now this elderly couple came to my desk with their granddaughter and he put a Bible, a laptop and other materials on my desk to fix themselves before leaving! It’s not Sunday! I am so excited! When I get home, I have to get onto my computer and write about this truly amazing day! I want it posted all over the world!
The mind is such a powerful force!
2-26-12 12:37p.m. Another amazing day because I am looking through an old issue, April/May 2005 of ‘Spirit Led Woman and read the article ‘From Dope to Hope’ because it is relevant to a present situation. To the lower right I see, ‘May We Tell Your Story?’ Oh can you! Yesterday after work I was looking for this information on the website and I was so tired, I may have missed it. What is just as amazing to me is that the contact information is on page 13 which is my operator number because I am a telecommunications operator in a healthcare facility.
Now today I am thumbing through the April/May 2005 issue and come across the article entitled ‘When You Can’t have It Your Way’ which really spoke to me because of the type of people I am related to. I swear I was switched at birth because I am nothing like any of the ones I know! The mother I have is who I was talking about earlier, a visual disability that I have gotten better at managing, I attract the opposite of the type of mate I would prefer and so I stay alone. Had I attracted the type to my preferences, I would have had a child.
The sister who was given away is just as cruel and brutal as her birth mother. What is amazing is that although she did not grow up with her birth mother is exactly like her and me who was in the same household as my birthmother, am nothing like her! I have diplomacy and tact! I don’t open my mouth to cut people down then claim to be a Christian woman. I don’t get it. We grew up blocks away from each other in the same neighborhood and no one wanted to say anything, but I eventually found out. I regret ever talking to her because of her mouth and I have lost respect for her. We had “words” the other day where I mentioned to her that I did not like it when I wanted her to pick me up after a medical procedure and she sends the subject of my supernatural hatred! Her response to me was along the lines of her being a grown adult and not a baby and maybe I should talk to someone and that there is no shame in it! So I can’t talk to her. Whatever. I can’t miss what I never had. This turned to a heated argument from her end. I don’t like talking to her. She says things that are brutal, cruel and inappropriate. I supposed this is why she was giving a child with special needs - ‘When You Can’t have It Your Way’ comes to mind. I saw a childhood friend of hers who revealed to me that she called her a seriously dirty word and although I don’t know how the conversation went, this only confirms it’s not me. Maybe she is going through something. A middle aged woman who has no control over what comes out of her mouth. . . .? We did attend a funeral together, but that was because she did not have anyone to go with. See if she goes if I were to ask her. She does not like to listen to peoples problems. I can’t help but return the way she is with me and I sure know better than to call her with anything!
I can’t have a logical calm discussion with most of the people in that family because it turns into a debate and I don’t respect that. How can a discussion turn to an argument when all the facts are not even known?
This is ‘The Thorn In the Flesh’ for me and is the most logical explanation to such a crummy existence and at the same time I know there is always someone else who has it worse. I never forget., but at the same time I have always asked why do I have to be related to such brutal and cruel people who have no love or respect for one another and much less anyone else? How can I have this for them?
Interesting how a pocket dictionary was a part of this package when I needed to look up the words effectual and allude in this article!
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I understand how you feel Frances, I too, as do many of Gods children have and are around family members that can and do get used by the ("Little one") e.g Devil.
But have Faith God sees and knows everyone's pain and suffering and shame.
I was sexually and physically abused by both parents. I also was the only one in my family who looked for and follow the lord in my life. Even though I loved God I couldn't understand why and how I could continue to suffer, under the roof I lived and why.
The results of this was chronic depression, thoughts of suicide and attempts, drug addiction.... But the lord never left me even when I thought I was alone I wasn't when I suffered he comforted me. ( I too cry at the hardship and injustice.)
My sisters, I have three have seen what I have been through, (what a blessing and testimony I have to share.) God will and is opening their eyes, I pray constantly for them. For the Lord to soften their heart and open their ears and eyes. I have faith he will. I was born in England but God brought me to America, he removed me from my family at the age of 22. Up until then I was broken still being abused not sexually but physically. As I said I was broken unable to fight anymore.
But Gods grace is never ending. Send your anger to him Child as we are all Children in God. Take the yoke of the little one for he is LITTLE compared to God. Cast it away, continue to pray for your family in faith for he gave YOU the tools, his forgiveness is for everyone even my parents. ( my father has passed and had an awful death) my Mother who I have only call Ann as she would not be called Mother has and is changing. The biggest thing God has shown me is how hard it is for everyone to over come and admitt that they are sinners especially when the world says different.
So France's never give up, God opened your eyes for a reason .
Ephesians 4: 32. Fight for them.